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What would you say defines a successful marriage?  

Is it longevity, happiness, friendship, depth of relationship?  How does time bear on that definition — does it mitigate it or enhance it?

Whatever it is, one thing that seems obvious is that it’s way more than simply someone’s (or, even a group's) idea of what it is.  It’s an actual relationship — not a conceptual one, an actual one.

Having now been married for 39 years (as of today), I can say that (in some ways, like many relationships) it covers a lot terrain.  There are many highs and lows (not just one or two).  The terrain is vast.  There are many patterns — some are highly perceived, some are not.  There is both something constant and something evolving.  Some familiar and something imminently new.

So, what makes the relationship of marriage persist?

If nothing else, I would say commitment.  Many things, of course, impact that.  Sure, what I get out of it is always in play.  But, in the end, it is my willingness to stay committed to Tami's full well-being that keeps me in my relationship with her.

As she and I reflect on it, we feel very aware of what that commitment has yielded.  Sure, we still get into skirmishes with each other.  They are uncomfortable; we don't like them.  But, something has grown strong enough because of the length and depth of our commitment, that we aren't ultimately threatened by them (even when, in the moment, we feel like we are).

We are very grateful for these yields — the many things we do together and enjoy together, the things we have discovered together, the things we respect and and admire about each other, the friendships we've built (and lost), the beauty of our children (and now their children) and our relationships with them.  The list goes on and on.

In many ways, we each feel like our lives are continuing to expand and grow, both independently and together.  With even just a little distance (for perspective), we marvel at that, are grateful for it, and want to keep on...staying committed to loving each other.

So, before this all sounds a little too self-congratulatory, perhaps more than anything else, a lot of grace…makes a marriage persist. 

Collective Illusions

What Is Happening In America

I've told myself, I'm going to stop adding this kind of stuff (something about my and our collective can't-look-away interest just keeps this beast alive).  

But, I can't just sit here and watch it happen (even if that is exactly what I am doing).  Am I sliding down the slippery slope of paranoia?  Maybe. I wouldn’t be the first one.

Despite its name, the Department of Government Efficiency is not, so far, primarily interested in efficiency. DOGE and its boss, Elon Musk, have instead focused their activity on the eradication of the federal civil service, along with its culture and values, and its replacement with something different. In other words: regime change.

No one should be surprised or insulted by this phrase, because this is exactly what Trump and many who support him have long desired. During his 2024 campaign, Trump spoke of Election Day as “Liberation Day,” a moment when, in his words, “vermin” and “radical left lunatics” would be eliminated from public life. J. D. Vance has said that Trump should “fire every single mid-level bureaucrat, every civil servant in the administrative state, replace them with our people.” Steve Bannon prefers to talk about the “deconstruction of the administrative state,” but that amounts to the same thing.  Continue...here.

-- Anne Applebaun

...or, a coup.

Trump knows the fastest way to dismantle America is to just delete it

He thinks it's working, too:

Trump's split screen: Orchestration amid chaos

Might as well go for it, then — the press is next:

Why Trump targets AP

Don't act so shocked (I don’t think we know the half of it) — but, he told us a hundred (more like a 1000) times what he was going to do:

How Trump’s Directives Echo Project 2025

Really makes you wonder what the end-game really is...seems pretty clear, though, doesn't it?

Trump signs order to claim power over independent agencies

He wants to be the king (executive order — just the modern word for decrees).  He's trying to take over the country by ripping it apart and Republicans are just letting him do it (all nominees confirmed so far).

Aw, c'mon, it's not THAT bad, right?

You have seen this J. D. Vance video, right?  I think the intentions are pretty clear, well-document, and highly underway.

Forget Bonhoeffer. This is the Niemöller Moment

Maybe more of this will help me (climb back out of the hole of despair)...and you:

10 Ws

What You Think About

What do you think about day and night for your character and personality.

-- Masami Saionji

Clarity

Many people think they lack motivation when what they really lack is clarity. It is not always obvious when and where to take action. Some people spend their entire lives waiting for the time to be right to make an improvement.

-- James Clear

Collectively

I'm wondering...if we're going to make it collectively, when we all seem so focused on self-interest that we don't really know what all is being ripped from the structures all around us.  

Unfortunately, "I wished I had known..." won't help very much when that becomes even more obvious.  They are predicting and banking on us just not paying attention.

How far we seem to have come from the simplicity of telling the truth, reflected on this Presidents Day history.

Woke

The silliness here isn’t quite as funny against this backdrop… as the other crowd that has formed appears  behind the guy in the red hat.

3 Observations & A Question

Keep your spirit clear; keep your mind clear — including what muddies your waters.

Something in us, at the surface level, seems attracted to controversy — so, we have to learn how to go below the surface.

When we speak with venom, it usually comes from a source of pain.

Are you aware of the things that strengthen you? What about the things that weaken you?

Prior 3 Observations & A Question….

Tenacious Adventure

Love is a tenacious adventure.

-- Alain Badiou

It requires courage and fortitude...continue here.

Annoyed

Don't you ever get tired of how annoyed you are?

OK, so maybe we should just be a little more honest — there are things about other people that are at the very least annoying, especially the more we get to know them. But, that’s hardly the point, is it?  

Because there are also many things, about other people, that are fascinating and inspiring and attractive…and worth loving. No one ever said it would be just one or the other.…just like that’s not the case with yourself.

It’s not too hard to fantasize about all the hassles that could be avoided by not having to live around other people.  But it is also true that significant parts of you would not only be underdeveloped, but also deformed without the benefits of engagement with other people (hassles included).  What, for example, would you know about love? What about the enjoyment of things that you simply can’t create exclusively from yourself?  What about the beauty and joy related to the nature of harmony?  

Being annoyed is allowed. But, despite the current popularity of righteous-indignation, just don't let things like annoyance and controversy become the primary food-groups of your daily emotional, psychological diet.

People are a hassle sometimes.  So am I (you, too, by the way...).  That's not the point.

Fiction

More fiction has been told in Microsoft Excel than in books.

-- Shane Parrish

Sometimes

Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.

-- John Maxwell

Acknowledge My Fears

I’ve noticed…that I tend to not acknowledge my fears.

…likely a strategy to protect something for me — but, if unaware, more likely empowering them.

Humility & Love

Working for justice can become a way to justify ourselves before God. If we are not careful, the good work we give ourselves to can become another idol that takes the rightful place of Jesus. We must be on guard against the temptation to establish an identity outside of the love of God in Christ.  

If we don’t live from the center of God’s love, working for justice can be just another creative way to meet the unrelenting needs of our egos. When that happens, the work for justice is no longer about the poor and mistreated but about our own unmet needs.  

We work for justice not because it justifies us; rather, because we’ve been justified, we work for justice. We are called to work with urgency, knowing that the needs are great, and also with patience, convinced that God is near. We pour ourselves out in love because this is how Christ longs to live through us, but we recognize our limitations. We seek the peace of our cities and towns because we are called to be salt and light, and we confess that only Jesus will make all things new. 

To have a good, beautiful, and kind life—one formed by love—requires us to extend our faith beyond the borders of our private emotional and spiritual concerns. We are called into a larger story, one characterized by participation in God’s kingdom. It’s the kind of participation that drives out passivity.  

When Jesus taught his disciples to pray, he instructed them to say, “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10). Is that not love? Is that not justice? To pray these words is not to passively say, “Lord, there’s nothing we can do, so please fix this world.” Rather, the Lord’s Prayer calls us to say, “Lord, there’s so much we can do, but only ever in your power.”  

-- Pastor Rich Villodas

Not Funny, but…

..a little.laughter can be medicinal sometimes.

3 Observations & A Question

You could see this coming a mile away…unless you just didn’t want to.

We tend to forget a lot of stuff, but usually not the stuff we’ve taken personally.

Your daily regimen needs to include other people — for your own sake.

Is there anything more courageous (and valuable) than asking for help — especially, considering the alternative?

Prior 3 Observations & A Question….

Fix Three Broken Things

Seneca pointed out that people tend to be reflexively stingy with their money, but almost comically wasteful with their time.

There are at least two ways to take this. One is that Seneca thought he used his time better than you and I do, and maybe he did. Another interpretation is that everyday life, for most people, is an untapped gold mine. Certain undone tasks represent huge gains, waiting just a short time away, behind one session of elbow grease. Even ten or fifteen minutes of directed effort, judiciously applied, can improve your life far more than the wages you earn for the same period.

This principle is most obvious when you use that time to fix a broken thing. The broken things in our lives are constantly charging interest. They feel bad to use, or even to witness, and they never run out of bad feeling to impart. Trying to use a pen that barely writes or a vacuum cleaner with poor suction is awful, even if it’s a small-scale awfulness.

Brokenness takes many forms. Continue here....

-- David Cain, Raptitude

The Rules

Injustice makes the rules, an courage breaks them.

-- Ursula K. La Guin

Your Commitment

Most good things require YOUR commitment. 

Most of us spend much of our time on what amounts to be two basic sets of illusions — our insecurities and our pleasures.

Too often there really isn’t much time left for the true and good things that remain and that need our attention.  Their goodness needs to be manifest.  Otherwise, they simply sit, almost as if waiting to be attended to, without much effect for the benefit of our broader existence.

There comes a point when we realize that there really isn’t that much more we can do for ourselves without sharing with others.

They need you and you need them (despite what we've been taught).  The inconveniences of this reality are mostly arbitrary (exceptions?  Of course.).

Wealth is not really ours anyway — we did not, in fact, generate the better part of it. I may have worked at it (even pretty hard) and it may have even grown under my watch and care, but I did not create it, start to finish, all by myself.

So, what are YOU giving to the world?  Because, before we know it, that question will change...to what we gave — not nearly as much about what we took (consumed) or accumulated.

What are you committed to?

Something Bigger

Energy can motivate, but it takes belief in something bigger to inspire.

-- Simon Sinek

Lack Confidence

Ever noticed...how we’re not big fans of people who lack confidence?

…that we honor humility in retrospect way more than along the way?

I’m not saying that humility and confidence are automatically in conflict with each other (in fact, I can imagine how they could be quite complementary).  But, too often they are…

Elon Musk now has access to your SSN

On Friday, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent granted Elon Musk and members of his DOGE team access to a system responsible for trillions of dollars in government payments, including Social Security checks and tax refunds.  Continue here....

-- Dave Lozo

The replacement of our constitutional system of government with the whims of an unelected private citizen is a coup. The U.S. president has no authority to cut programs created and funded by Congress, and a private citizen tapped by a president has even less standing to try anything so radical.  Continue here....

-- Heather Cox Richardson

Neighbor Is Not

Neighbor is not a geographic term, it is a moral concept.

-- Joachim Prinz

4 Observations (from Others)

Culture and popular opinion lead us to believe that happiness can be bought, that more is always better, and that success carries more weight than integrity.

-- Joel Owen 

I learned the lesson that great men cultivate love, and that only little men cherish a spirit of hatred. I learned that assistance given to the weak makes the one who gives it strong; and that oppression of the unfortunate makes one weak.

-- Booker T. Washington

Intolerance is the first sign of an inadequate education. An ill-educated person behaves with arrogant impatience, whereas truly profound education breeds humility.

-- Alexander Solzhenitsyn

It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.

-- Audre Lorde

Prior 4 Observations (from Others).