Rest, at the end of the day, is an act of submission.
We often seem to resent that we can’t afford to take the time to rest. And yet, when life provides us times for rest, we often chafe at not being able to be more...productive.
I recently had to submit to rest. It come in the form of a hernia surgery. Obviously, I wouldn't have chosen that as an opportunity for rest. But, it is hard to deny that what comes our way is not often exactly in the form we would prefer. And, for that reason alone, we can easily miss something significant as we scramble to get back on track as soon as possible.
Why is it that rest is, more often than not, something we must choose? In other words, unless it chooses us, we feel like it is closer to a wasting of time to do it.
Perhaps it is influenced by our preoccupation with self-determinism. We don't want to be dictated to. We want to be in control. To choose when we do something and when we don't. Not all of this is inherently bad. But, some of it is; maybe even more of it than we think.
Healing, like growth, is not a linear function. Even though I wanted (want) to know how long it would be before I could fully return to the routines of my life, I really just had to be patient with a process that is mostly unfamiliar to me. In one week you can do this In two weeks, you can do that. But, before four weeks, don't do....
So, I watched that calendar, trying to cooperate with it (mostly to avoid a set-back), but also mindful of whether I beating the averages of...getting back on track. Not really as mindful of the opportunity this situation was affording me. I live a lot of my life this way. Missing important stuff. Eager to be productive. But, for what essential purpose? ...to be in control of the things I think I want in life?
Rest is, after all, not something you can really rush. You have to cooperate with it; to submit to its own time-table.
Besides, one of the forfeits of not submitting to rest is not really the constancy of my productivity, as much as it is the recognition that such a view of life is actually denying something. It is denying that rest is really a kind of recognition that dependency is a vital part of my existence. That rest is an opportunity to remind myself of that. That I am not in control of as much as I would like to be and that that is not only okay, but important to know.
Because knowing that significantly alters what I am relying on in my life — myself, or something bigger.
Submitting is not as bad a thing as we have come to believe. After all, independence is often not nearly as much about freedom as it is control. When I demand to be in control, I both can't afford or benefit from the gift that rest gives to us.
