LT: Behind Them

To lead people, walk behind them.

-- Lao Tzu

Heading Things Off

I'm wondering...about how many mechanisms we build and accumulate in our lives that are primarily designed to head-off something else?  

This may not necessarily be bad; in fact, it could be called learning.  

But, when does it become avoidance...of things that actually needs attention?

Isn't About Certainty

In the gospels, Jesus is asked 187 questions.  He answers (maybe) 8 of them.  He himself asks 307.  Maybe faith isn't about certainty, but learning to ask — and sit in the complexity of — good questions.

-- Kevin Nye

3 Observations & A Question

Purpose and beauty seem even better when married.

Narratives change meaning — it seems like 'conservative' now almost fully means "against liberals" (not what it used to mean, at least exclusively).

One surprising thing I’ve learned about…love is, ultimately, I have to let others love me the way they want to love me (rather than the way I want to be loved).

What If...we are being given so much more than we know in the middle of the circumstances we are in?

Prior  3 Observations & A Question….

Annual Inflation Rate Since the Start of the Pandemic

The Morning

Don't Turn Away

One of the most valuable gifts in my life was from my mom. She taught us to never look away from pain. The lesson was simple and clear:

Don’t look away. Don’t look down.

Don’t pretend not to see hurt.

Look people in the eye.

Even when their pain is overwhelming.

And when you’re hurting and in pain, find the people who can look you in the eye.

We need to know we’re not alone—especially when we’re hurting.

Even in my fifties, I find myself wrestling with the same questions that left me confused as a kid: Why do we cause each other so much pain, and why do we turn away from hurt when the only way to the other side of struggle is through it?... It just takes so much more energy and creates so much more emotional churn than having a seat and asking hurt or uncertainty to pull up a chair….

Every single day, our feelings and experiences show up in our bodies, they’re shaped by where we come from and how we were raised, they drive how we show up, and each feeling has its own unique backstory. Understanding these emotions and experiences is our life’s work. The more we learn, the deeper we can continue to explore.

-- Brené Brown

That Ask and Answer

There are years that ask questions and years that answer.

-- Zora Neale Hurston

37

I hold this to be the highest task of a bond between two people: that each should stand guard over the solitude of the other. For, if it lies in the nature of indifference and of the crowd to recognize no solitude, then love and friendship are there for the purpose of continually providing the opportunity for solitude.

-- Rainer Maria Rilke

I'm afraid some (many?) would find this observation not only odd, but equally not understandable.  

But for me today, on our 37th wedding anniversary today, it rings largely true — both in concept and in experience.  How solitude, in this context, occurs could perhaps best be described in this way:

“One of the most memorable accounts of a long successful marriage comes from Dostoevsky’s wife, Anna. She and Fyodor were, she said, of contrasting character…different temperaments. Entirely opposing views. Yet they never tried to change one another. Nor interfere with the other’s soul. This, she believed, enabled her and her husband to live in harmony.”

-- John Major, The Crown

“In truth, my husband and I were persons of ‘quite different construction, different bent, completely dissimilar views.’ But we always remained ourselves, in no way echoing nor currying favor with one another, neither of us trying to meddle with the other’s soul, neither I with his psyche nor he with mine. And in this way my good husband and I, both of us, felt ourselves free in spirit.”

-- Anna Dostoevsky

It is a kind of profound respect to let another person truly be...themselves.  This is especially true when that looks quite different than what you might expect...or want.  But, ultimately, to not do that cannot really be as much about love, as it is about demand and control.

The notion of interference in another person's soul is quite something to recognize and contemplate, if not accept as something unbeguiling and distrustful.  It places you in an unfortunate position, if not a harmful one.

I have to admit...finish here.

Depth

There is a depth within you that senses the depth around you. 

-- Jason Miller

Cables

I've noticed...that I have a strained relationship with cables — I do my part and they don't do theirs.

using AI, every US president as a Pixar character.

Dan Szymborski

Self-Interest

One of my criticisms of modern American evangelical Christianity is its preoccupation with self-interest, particularly as opposed to common interest. 

Even its sense of salvation seems to be primarily private (personal).

But, this is in contrast to nearly the whole Biblical narrative of the larger community of faith it is interested in...that God is interested in and actively working toward.

Yosemite National Park: What is the famous ‘firefall’ and how can you see it?

copyright - Katie Rodriguez Unsplash

California’s incredible Firefall is back. Every February, thousands of photographers and tourists flock to Yosemite National Park to glimpse a ribbon of ‘lava’ gushing down the imposing El Capitan granite rockface. This famous natural phenomenon is actually a trick of the light, generated as sunlight reflects off of a waterfall. Continue here.... 

-- Charlotte Elton

3 Observations & A Question

Just because you’re used to it, doesn’t make it right.

Whataboutism is not a good way to set or reinforce a standard.

Your primary point of reference cannot be outside of yourself.

Suffering from earthquakes (like the recent one in Turkey) is really hard to comprehend; they feel so distant from human causality — so where does that leave us?

Prior  3 Observations & A Question….

6 Senses You Might Not Know You Had

We’ve all heard that we have five senses — sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste. That idea goes back to the Greek philosopher Aristotle. However, it’s wrong.

Modern science has identified as many as 32 senses, by looking at receptors in our bodies with the job of receiving and conveying specific information. Our senses also tend to work in tandem without us noticing a connection. We mostly take this intricate system for granted — until something goes wrong, and we gain a deeper appreciation of the complexity of the human body. Learning more about our senses can help us both understand health problems and appreciate the many ways our bodies perform beautifully. Here are six senses you probably didn’t know you possess...continue here.

Masks

Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.

-- James Baldwin

Fletcher is going to die...and thoughts about compassion

Our dog, Fletcher, is 12 — he's not in imminent danger (for those of you who know him), but he is showing his age in a variety of ways.

As he rubbed up against me again the other day (making his routinely irritating contribution of hair and dander to my dark dress pants), a thought snuck past my typical reaction, "You're not going to be doing that much longer, are you?"

Not a particular watershed thought, for sure. But, it did prompt me toward something closer to wondering what I will feel when he will never do that any more. Will miss it — will I miss him?

Yes, I will. He is so presumptuous at times...and I will miss him even for that simplicity.

So, what would it be like to have compassion for him and his 'irritations'...simply because of who he is? You can see where I might be going with this....

After all, I'm showing my age, too. And, perhaps because of that, I'm catching myself actually trending toward irritability (in a number of domains) rather than toward compassion.

It got me thinking about some things; noticing some things. Like, I don't have infinite time left either. And, I need to pay more attention to some realities about my existence, too.

For example, I've discovered lately that the last person I am compassionate with is...me.

I can often easily discover compassion for someone else — just tell me their story. But, it is not as easy for me, to honor mine and to extend it to myself. And, that actually limits my compassion for others more than I often realize.

The truth is, I want compassion, as badly as anyone else. The strange part is that I hide my need for it from others. A habit (maybe)? A mechanism (more likely). In fact, this pattern often hides my need for it from myself.

So, I'm exploring these patterns of thinking and behaving (and I must say I'm not too thrilled with what it is revealing).

A week or two ago, I blew an emotional gasket. As usual, it was not about the thing that triggered it. I was bruised by it, in more ways than one. The week after I was having bizarre dreams (you know, the perennial ones we all have from time to time; but, this time with some derivative versions that were...disturbing). Something consistent and something not. What IS happening?

I shared the gory details...continue here.

Nice News: Pre-Heat

Previous Nice News....

Will You?

'Poem for the week' -- "Will You?":

When, at the end, the children wanted
to add glitter to their valentines, I said no.

I said nope, no, no glitter, and then,
when they started to fuss, I found myself

saying something my brother’s football coach
used to bark from the sidelines when one

of his players showed signs of being
human: oh come on now, suck it up.

That’s what I said to my children.
Suck what up? my daughter asked,

and, because she is so young, I told her
I didn’t know and never mind, and she took

that for an answer. My children are so young
when I turn off the radio as the news turns

to counting the dead or naming the act,
they aren’t even suspicious. My children

are so young they cannot imagine a world
like the one they live in. Their God is still

a real God, a whole God, a God made wholly
of actions. And I think they think I work

for that God. And I know they will someday soon
see everything and they will know about

everything and they will no longer take
never mind for an answer. The valentines

would’ve been better with glitter, and my son
hurt himself on an envelope, and then, much

later, when we were eating dinner, my daughter
realized she’d forgotten one of the three

Henrys in her class. How can there be three Henrys
in one class? I said, and she said, Because there are.

And so, before bed we took everything out
again—paper and pens and stamps and scissors—

and she sat at the table with her freshly washed hair
parted smartly down the middle and wrote

WILL YOU BE MINE, HENRY T.? and she did it
so carefully, I could hardly stand to watch.

-- Carrie Fountain

Care For Themselves

Ever noticed...that the people who’ve learned how to deeply take care of themselves are often the most capable of deeply caring for others?

Football: Can Still Be Bigger Than The Game

AXIOS

"The journey will continue"

Cannot Love Our Neighbor

If we cannot love our neighbor as ourself, it is because we do not perceive our neighbor as ourself.

-- Beatrice Bruteau

3 Observations & A Question

What is done to others is, ultimately, done to ourselves — the only distinction is timing (what goes around, comes around; you reap what you sow; etc.).

We are saturated as a society — when that happens, we are no longer able to take anything in…especially things that we need to.

 

Perhaps one of the greater opportunities we have in our growth is to learn how to live with tension — because of what happens when we don’t.

 

At what point are we so intoxicated by new ideas that we are no longer cognizant that their greater value comes not from having them, but from applying them?

 

Prior  3 Observations & A Question….

SOTU

AXIOS

It's probably just the 55+ people who are stunned by this....

Quitting Anxiety

 

Anxiety can become a habit, and mindfulness might be able to help us quit it.

Why it matters: Anxiety is the most common mental illness, affecting some 300 million people around the world, per The Lancet.

We can fixate on anxious thoughts because worrying about situations gives us a false sense of control over them. Mindfulness can help us realize that worrying for the sake of it isn't helpful.

-- Jud Brewer

In a recent study published in JAMA Psychiatry, researchers found that mindfulness training and exercises were effective in decreasing participants' anxiety levels.

The stunning revelation was that these exercises worked just about as well as anti-anxiety drugs.  Continue here....

-- Elizabeth Black

From Its Hiding Place

Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.

-- Zora Neale Hurston

Our Habits

Do we become our habits? How defined are we by our habits?

Habits form.

Maybe the question for each of needs to be, which ones do I want to form?

Habits seem to have both upsides and downsides.

While one upside is that habits can actually be part of what protects and nurtures you; one downside seems to be that you can become ensconced in them.

They can insulate us, at times, from the some of the harsher realities of life — by keeping us out of some kinds of trouble. But, they can also insulate us from some of the beauty of life — from the kinds of discovery that not only keep us alive, but actually enliven us.

In other words, our habits can work with us and against us (sometimes whether we realize it or not).

Perhaps some other observations could help us:

These 5 Mindful Habits Will Keep You From Burning Out

10 Horrible Habits You're Doing Right Now That Are Draining Your Energy

20 Lessons From Atomic Habits That Changed My Life

In effect, habits are part of our strategies to be healthy in our human existence:

Long-Term Health Comes Down To Two Main Habits

Like many things, intentionality can be useful as we consider our habits.

Together

Together is better.

-- Simon Sinek

Hesitation To Pray

I’m wondering…if my hesitation about praying sometimes simply a lack of habit? Or, is it effectively that I am willing to believe that I need to provide for myself more than believe that God provides for me, especially at practical levels?

If so, that seems rather indicting; something that smacks of the point of the parable of the talents told by Jesus. Am I really prepared to say that out loud, exposing that I likely think that way more than I realize?

We live with a 'do your job' mindset in our culture. And that, at least for me, complicates things. Because I have recognized that I tend to trust most where I am putting my effort most. If that is what I need to do, then it tends to follow that I end up much of the time trusting in that (even when I realize how inadequate that seems to be).

So, what are we really talking about here? Something serious? Herein, perhaps, lies a clue to the assumptions embedded in my question — prayer is for serious things...the rest is up to me. But, breaking it down that way; how do I even know what goes in which category?

Which likely exposes something else — the sometimes hidden notion that praying is primarily about getting something.  And, that, likely is not the primary purpose (not to mention function) of prayer.

An aside, I’ve noticed that a lot of what I eat is related to anxiety that I’m feeling, almost as if the eating of whatever it is, is a kind of comfort or relief...that I need.

So, now, it’s hard not to notice that these two tracks of thinking (my use of prayer & and my use of food) could, in fact, be quite related….

Overly Spiritualized Interpretation of Christianity

In many ways, I think part of the explanation for perhaps the powerlessness of much of modern Christianity has been that it has lost touch with the Hebrew Scriptures. In particular, we have lost touch with the prophets. When we lose the sense of the prophets and their vision, we enter into a very overly spiritualized interpretation of Christianity. The prophets kept the word of God earthy. They kept it whole. They kept it real. They would not let us divide earth from heaven. They put heaven and earth together and they said, “It’s all one.”

The prophets give us a sense of the possible. They give us a sense of the impossible, too. That’s why, frankly, they are so hard to listen to — because they explode our minds and push back the limits of our imagination. They increase our capacity to feel. They intensify our capacity for suffering. That’s why people don’t want to listen to them, because prophets increase our ability to feel what God is feeling. To feel God’s pain, God’s desire, God’s longing, and even God’s anger, if you’ll allow.

-- Richard Rohr

4 Observations (from Others)

I believe truth is revolutionary; it’s part of the work of fierce love. Truth makes a personal, spiritual, ethical, and moral demand upon us. It wants to be said, known, told. It hurts and it’s inconvenient, but it’s essential to our well-being.  

-- Jacqui Lewis

Anger is a source of my creativity. It’s a vaccination against apathy and complacency. It’s a gift that can be abused—or wisely used. Yes, it’s a temptation, but it’s also a resource and an opportunity, as unavoidable and necessary as pain. It’s part of the gift of being human and being alive.

-- Brian McLaren

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.

-- Gerry Spence

The ultimate test of man's conscience may be his willingness to sacrifice something today for future generations whose words of thanks will not be heard.

-- Gaylord Nelson

Prior 4 Observations (from Others).

Change In The Cost of Food

Improving On Silence

A worthy consideration from Michiana Chronicles:

I can still feel the prickle of adrenaline, from a dozen years ago, while sitting in Quaker meeting trying to maintain silence, and knowing I was about to fail. The almost physical itch to share a story, an anecdote, a stray thread of personal philosophy, was often impossible to resist, despite the standard that one really shouldn’t speak in Quaker meeting unless one can improve upon the silence. 

Silence has rarely been a friend of mine. Like many younger siblings, I learned early on to diffuse tense silence in a room with chatter and goofs. As a student, I was Hermione Granger, flinging up a hand the first beat after a teacher’s question, to spare us the awkward silence of classroom apathy. And as I learned more about the injustices of the world, I saw how silence was a powerful tool of abusers, who bully and intimidate victims until they’re too afraid for their lives to speak up. 

And yet, I’m in a season of life when silence seems swollen with meaning. Maybe I’m learning to focus on its lessons.  

In winter walks, I’ve noticed how sounds can somehow heighten the depths of silence.  Continue (or listen) here....

-- April Lidinsky

What Makes the Emptiness Bearable

In all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other.

-- Carl Sagan

Emsley Monroe Wilkins

Regularly scheduled programming interrupted by this Social-Media preview (standard deets to follow, I'm sure!):

The most precious-est thing you've ever seen (our 1st grand-daughter; 3rd grand-child) — I’m unabashedly biased!