Where the real fight is....
Oh, tell me more. You want details, right?
I'm going to skip most of those (for now) and go for the net-out:
I have learned the most about relationships
from my closest ones.
That's it? That's a little disappointing (I know) and not particularly newsworthy (maybe it is a confession, though).
We all are prone to assumptions (often the starting of most fights, too, by the way). Assumptions, after all, are how we get by. But, sometimes they are quite wrong. We do tend to craft our view of things around what makes sense to us. The problem is that, too often, what makes sense to us is exclusive in nature.
At the very least, it is often confined to the particularities of our experience, which we control far more of than we tend to think.
Countless times, I've discovered (sometimes painfully) that what I'm thinking is not what someone else is thinking, even when they are close to me and I think I know them well. This has borne itself out in my relationship with my wife, my kids, my friends, my neighbors, my co-workers, etc. In fact, the list is conspicuously large. That should indicate something.
There are often significant compatibilities, to be sure, with those around us. But, those are really never all-encompassing or absolute.
I want to zero in. But, I need to open myself up.
A basic ingredient of living with understanding of what another person is working with is believing that they are doing so — not trying to change them or speed anything up.
Invite them, primarily, by the way you live and give to them, to the work they are doing (without complicating the process by making them take care of you first).
None of this may be easy, especially at certain times (it may, in fact, take a lifetime). It comes down to what you are willing to trust in — to what you are willing to entrust yourself to.
Love is a long-term thing and, therefore, requires a kind of faith. Faith is trusting that something is true, even when you don't see the truth of it in a particular moment or circumstance. Love has faith. It trusts.
Yes, there is a religious version of faith, too. Sadly, religion too often seems to contribute more to the doubt about it, as it is often only lives up to inconsistency (if even that much). And, this is, I suspect, because much of it isn't really love-based faith. It doesn't really trust.
Essentially, you have to stare down the question: what does it really mean and take to truly trust another person?
In other words, what do I really have to assume (believe)?
Most of that answer will come from our personal experience of love. Most of that experience will be with those closest to us.
