Tyranny requires your fear and your silence and your compliance. Democracy requires your courage. So gather your justice and humanity, Illinois, and do not let the ‘tragic spirit of despair’ overcome us when our country needs us the most.
-- J.B. Pritzker
We all develop routines.
I guess we like, at least, a few things in our lives that are predictable.
Disruption (even chaos, at times) has its place. But mostly, uncontained and for too long, it is unsustainable and counter-productive. Even what it reveals, largely serves the purpose of re-establishing a modified attempt to control for order. While some like chaos, more people like predictability.
Routines are one of the more simplistic ways we, as human beings, tend to use to achieve that. And, if you really stop and notice, the precision we end up introducing to establish and maintain them is really kind of…intoxicating. Once we really get going on them, we often, in fact, are pretty in love with what we’ve come up to make our lives get easier and easier.
I’m in on it, too. As a relatively minor, behavioral example, I always put my car keys in one particular pocket of my coat (even if I change coats). It helps me always know where my keys are, without having to think about it. I do this with my wallet, too. In fact, I do such things much more than I realize. It reduces the stress having to use energy to re-discover things that really don’t need to be re-discovered.
Ok, so what?
Drivers of our habits like predictability, efficiencies, stress-reduction can also not only be addictive, but reduce our capacity to remain open to things that may not make our personal routines list. When we become so committed to the outcomes they often produce, we can also easily become things like inflexible, narrow-minded, threatened, judgmental, and unaccepting (not only of different ways of doing things, but also of the people who do them…differently).
Our routines often end up reflecting our values. And, our values often translate to how we see people (not to mention how we treat them). Why do they have to be so different? A sentence often thought, if not heard. Heck, I’ve even thought such thoughts from time to time. But, invariably, a deeper concern often lurks underneath. I can too easily conclude that my routines are not just helpful for me; they are also…right.
It doesn’t take much to spot how problematic this can be.
For example, whenever my venue changes, I almost immediately have to start crafting the routines that would work best in that different context. It may be as simple as the weather and everything I’ve subconsciously organized to help my relationship with it adapt. When I’m in warm climates, I don’t keep track much of things like gloves or hats. In cold climates, I know right where they are…and my jackets are towards the front of where I keep them. But, for me to say that I locate things I use more because it is right to do so doesn’t necessarily follow.
And, yet, we do this quite a bit, don’t we?
“We always do this. Or, we always do this…that way. And, by the way, others should, too, because it is the right way to do it.” We want to feel this extra feature; that we do what we do, because it is right. It’s hard for us to stop even there, though. Not only should others do things the way we think they should, they should also think the right way. Oh, and, they should believe what we believe, too. And because they don’t, we somehow find a way to use that as justification for our view of what is right.
But, it is still rather conspicuous how quickly we are willing to change something, if our circumstances change. We adapt pretty quickly to our surroundings. To view it as right or wrong is a little arbitrary (if not downright silly). The ones who don’t easily recognize this are, more often than not, those whose situation really hasn’t changed very much.
Live in another country for a while and watch what happens to you — to your routines, to what you think. Maybe, even, to what you believe.
But, you really don’t have go that far; even a different part of this country, for a while, where all kinds of things are a little (or a lot) different.
At the very least, allow yourself to acknowledge that way more than you think you need to.
We often are a product of our routines, which we have developed because of the circumstances and environments we live in. So, stay mindful of them — what they are and what they are not.
Things happen in life that you don’t want to happen—whether you lose a game, things don’t go well at work, or something happens with your child. There are many moments in our personal and professional lives that don’t go the way we want. How do you deal with them? Do you handle them with class and integrity, with courage and resilience? Are you able to share your emotions with others?
Do you have people in your life who can help you through those challenges? I’m blessed to have had people walk through those moments with me. They always say, “Double the pleasure and divide the pain,” and that’s what relationships are all about. When you care for and love those around you, they give back—and that’s where the reward comes.
-- Tom Brady
Ever noticed...that our personalities are really just the thing that we’ve ended up going with — fostering and developing — to maintain the narrative we think we need to exist and prosper in our world?
I suspect what we think of as personalities are pre-seeded by certain chromosomal leanings, which facilitate and enhance the narratives that we prefer. But, either way, our personalities are the way that we present ourselves to the world.
Not news per se, but a reminder…that we are presenting more often than we think we are.
Information and truth are not automatically the same thing.
Most of us tend to see, what we think we’ve already seen.
We are integrated beings — so, when we become disintegrated, we aren't fully who we really are.
What needs to be healed in me?
What would you say defines a successful marriage?
Is it longevity, happiness, friendship, depth of relationship? How does time bear on that definition — does it mitigate it or enhance it?
Whatever it is, one thing that seems obvious is that it’s way more than simply someone’s (or, even a group's) idea of what it is. It’s an actual relationship — not a conceptual one, an actual one.
Having now been married for 39 years (as of today), I can say that — like long-term relationships of many kinds — it covers a lot terrain. There are many highs and lows (not just one or two). The terrain is vast and nuanced, including many patterns — some are highly perceived, some are not. There is both something constant and something evolving. Some familiar and something imminently new.
So, what makes the relationship of marriage persist?
If nothing else, I would say commitment. Many things, of course, impact that. Sure, what I get out of it is always in play. But, in the end, it is my willingness to stay committed to Tami's full well-being that keeps me in my relationship with her.
As she and I reflect on it, we feel very aware of what that commitment has yielded. Sure, we still get into skirmishes with each other. They are uncomfortable; we don't like them. But, something has grown strong enough, because of the length and depth of our commitment, that we aren't ultimately threatened by them (even when sometimes, in the moment, we still feel like we are).
We are very grateful for these yields — the many things we do together (see below) and enjoy together, the things we have discovered together, the things we respect and and admire about each other, the friendships we've built (and lost), the beauty of our children (and now their children) and our relationships with them. The list goes on and on.
In many ways, we each feel like our lives are continuing to expand and grow, both independently and together. With even just a little distance (for perspective), we marvel at that, are grateful for it, and want to keep on...staying committed to loving each other.
Before this all begins to sound a little too self-congratulatory, I should add the distinct likelihood that effort (commitment) alone may not always provide such outcomes. I know of many who have been committed to their marriages (well beyond how I am to mine) who may feel they have ended up with few or none of the things I've mentioned above. I don't fully know what to do with that (besides feel the sadness I have for them).
So, perhaps more than anything else, I should also acknowledge the reality (and need) of a lot of grace — something we all need to extend as much as we need to receive — to make a marriage successful.
Frozen shores of PJ Hoffmaster State Park, MI
I'm wondering...if we're going to make it collectively, when we all seem so focused on self-interest that we don't really know what all is being ripped from the structures all around us.
Unfortunately, "I wished I had known..." won't help very much when that becomes even more obvious. They are predicting and banking on us just not paying attention.
How far we seem to have come from the simplicity of telling the truth, reflected on this Presidents Day history.
Keep your spirit clear; keep your mind clear — including what muddies your waters.
Something in us, at the surface level, seems attracted to controversy — so, we have to learn how to go below the surface.
When we speak with venom, it usually comes from a source of pain.
Are you aware of the things that strengthen you? What about the things that weaken you?
Prior 3 Observations & A Question….
Don't you ever get tired of how annoyed you are?
OK, so maybe we should just be a little more honest — there are things about other people that are at the very least annoying, especially the more we get to know them. But, that’s hardly the point, is it?
Because there are also many things, about other people, that are fascinating and inspiring and attractive…and worth loving. No one ever said it would be just one or the other.…just like that’s not the case with yourself.
It’s not too hard to fantasize about all the hassles that could be avoided by not having to live around other people. But it is also true that significant parts of you would not only be underdeveloped, but also deformed without the benefits of engagement with other people (hassles included). What, for example, would you know about love? What about the enjoyment of things that you simply can’t create exclusively from yourself? What about the beauty and joy related to the nature of harmony?
Being annoyed is allowed. But, despite the current popularity of righteous-indignation, just don't let things like annoyance and controversy become the primary food-groups of your daily emotional, psychological diet.
People are a hassle sometimes. So am I (you, too, by the way...). That's not the point.
I’ve noticed…that I tend to not acknowledge my fears.
…likely a strategy to protect something for me — but, if unaware, more likely empowering them.
Working for justice can become a way to justify ourselves before God. If we are not careful, the good work we give ourselves to can become another idol that takes the rightful place of Jesus. We must be on guard against the temptation to establish an identity outside of the love of God in Christ.
If we don’t live from the center of God’s love, working for justice can be just another creative way to meet the unrelenting needs of our egos. When that happens, the work for justice is no longer about the poor and mistreated but about our own unmet needs.
We work for justice not because it justifies us; rather, because we’ve been justified, we work for justice. We are called to work with urgency, knowing that the needs are great, and also with patience, convinced that God is near. We pour ourselves out in love because this is how Christ longs to live through us, but we recognize our limitations. We seek the peace of our cities and towns because we are called to be salt and light, and we confess that only Jesus will make all things new.
To have a good, beautiful, and kind life—one formed by love—requires us to extend our faith beyond the borders of our private emotional and spiritual concerns. We are called into a larger story, one characterized by participation in God’s kingdom. It’s the kind of participation that drives out passivity.
When Jesus taught his disciples to pray, he instructed them to say, “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10). Is that not love? Is that not justice? To pray these words is not to passively say, “Lord, there’s nothing we can do, so please fix this world.” Rather, the Lord’s Prayer calls us to say, “Lord, there’s so much we can do, but only ever in your power.”
-- Pastor Rich Villodas
You could see this coming a mile away…unless you just didn’t want to.
We tend to forget a lot of stuff, but usually not the stuff we’ve taken personally.
Your daily regimen needs to include other people — for your own sake.
Is there anything more courageous (and valuable) than asking for help — especially, considering the alternative?
Seneca pointed out that people tend to be reflexively stingy with their money, but almost comically wasteful with their time.
There are at least two ways to take this. One is that Seneca thought he used his time better than you and I do, and maybe he did. Another interpretation is that everyday life, for most people, is an untapped gold mine. Certain undone tasks represent huge gains, waiting just a short time away, behind one session of elbow grease. Even ten or fifteen minutes of directed effort, judiciously applied, can improve your life far more than the wages you earn for the same period.
This principle is most obvious when you use that time to fix a broken thing. The broken things in our lives are constantly charging interest. They feel bad to use, or even to witness, and they never run out of bad feeling to impart. Trying to use a pen that barely writes or a vacuum cleaner with poor suction is awful, even if it’s a small-scale awfulness.
Brokenness takes many forms. Continue here....
-- David Cain, Raptitude
Most good things require YOUR commitment.
Most of us spend much of our time on what amounts to be two basic sets of illusions — our insecurities and our pleasures.
Too often there really isn’t much time left for the true and good things that remain and that need our attention. Their goodness needs to be manifest. Otherwise, they simply sit, almost as if waiting to be attended to, without much effect for the benefit of our broader existence.
There comes a point when we realize that there really isn’t that much more we can do for ourselves without sharing with others.
They need you and you need them (despite what we've been taught). The inconveniences of this reality are mostly arbitrary (exceptions? Of course.).
Wealth is not really ours anyway — we did not, in fact, generate the better part of it. I may have worked at it (even pretty hard) and it may have even grown under my watch and care, but I did not create it, start to finish, all by myself.
So, what are YOU giving to the world? Because, before we know it, that question will change...to what we gave — not nearly as much about what we took (consumed) or accumulated.
What are you committed to?
Ever noticed...how we’re not big fans of people who lack confidence?
…that we honor humility in retrospect way more than along the way?
I’m not saying that humility and confidence are automatically in conflict with each other (in fact, I can imagine how they could be quite complementary). But, too often they are…
On Friday, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent granted Elon Musk and members of his DOGE team access to a system responsible for trillions of dollars in government payments, including Social Security checks and tax refunds. Continue here....
-- Dave Lozo
Culture and popular opinion lead us to believe that happiness can be bought, that more is always better, and that success carries more weight than integrity.
-- Joel Owen
I learned the lesson that great men cultivate love, and that only little men cherish a spirit of hatred. I learned that assistance given to the weak makes the one who gives it strong; and that oppression of the unfortunate makes one weak.
-- Booker T. Washington
Intolerance is the first sign of an inadequate education. An ill-educated person behaves with arrogant impatience, whereas truly profound education breeds humility.
-- Alexander Solzhenitsyn
It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.
-- Audre Lorde
Prior 4 Observations (from Others).
